No Excuses

Working out has been difficult for me. I don't like driving all the way to the gym, I can't make it to the classes I like, I feel uncomfortable sometimes, excuses excuses excuses. On Saturday we got the final piece to my home gym, we bought a treadmill! Yay! I am really excited about it. I now have everything I need to get awesome workouts at home (4 sets of weights, exercise ball, yoga gear, fitnessblender, and now a treadmill) so no excuse not to workout every day. Awesome and kind of scary. 

Update: So, over the holidays I gained 10lbs (yikes!) but I have lost 4 of it! My goal is to be down to my starting weight by Valentine's Day, and I am feeling good about making that goal a reality. 

Progress, or lack thereof

I look at that tracker on this blog and I get sad. 0 pounds lost. I actually have gained 6 lbs over the holidays, so I am glad the tracker doesn't reflect that. I still have a lot of work to do and I think a lot of it will be mental. I have been bigger my whole life, so I don't have a "goal" picture of me looking hot in a bikini or anything (I had a YW leader who used a pic of her like at as motivation). I am at the heaviest I have ever been, so that sucks. I have known that when I am really stressed or right before my cycle starts (sorry, tmi) I have a lot of trouble with willpower. I am focusing so much on trying not to slip into depression or letting my anxiety take over that the last thing I want to worry about is working out or logging my calories. And since these things have yet to become a positive habit, it is still a chore for me. Chocolate makes things better, at least for a little bit, is what I tell myself when I am stressed/sad. That cycle is so destructive, I know. I have been it in for years now. Maybe even my whole life. Awareness is the first step, right? Sometimes I doubt myself and ask "do I even have what it takes? Am I just completely lacking in any willpower at all?" I often feel like that part of me is missing, like there is something wrong with me that I can't just put down the chocolate or say no to fries. Fundamentally flawed is how I often feel. And I know that probably stems from other issues, but I think everything is connected, I am a whole person and by helping one aspect I am helping the others. I hope. I don't think that losing weight will make me happy constantly, but I do know that how I feel about myself and my body is tied to how healthy I am which is tied to my mental health and vice versa. This blog post has taken a very different turn from what I thought I was going to write about. I am OK with that. For me, writing is very therapeutic. And so I accept (or try to) my imperfections and glaring flaws and try to do the best I can every day. 

What I was going to write about was a green smoothie challenge I am doing, a smoothie a day for 30 days. I get recipes emailed to me each week, which is good because I don't get too creative with my smoothies. Today's was amazing and I wanted to share the recipe:

COCONUT DREAM |  serves two

2 cups fresh kale (I used a spinach and kale blend)
2 cups coconut milk, unsweetened (I used sweetened...)
1 cup mango
1 cup pineapple
1 banana
2 tablespoons coconut flakes, unsweetened (I didn't have this so just left it out)

I always change recipes, so this is no surprise, but I am sure either way they would be delicious!