On the Road again

Just checking in (with whom? Myself mostly) and I am doing well! I know this is not a big deal to, well pretty much anyone, but it is a huge deal to me that I have logged my food for the last 2 days and stayed within 100 cals of my limit! I have logged for a while now, but have always gone way over. It is the dinner thing, I am getting better! Cody is a big help, I tell him how many calories I have left in the day before I come home and he helps remind me to be careful so I don't go over. What a stud. 
I have "lost" 1.6 lbs in the last few days, but I am sure it is just water weight, but it still makes me feel good, like I am finally on track. I still have several pounds (5) to get back to my starting weight, but I am feelin' good! I can actually see the hope of getting to my goal of 10% lost before Disneyland. Which feels good :)

What is your weakness?

Do you have something that just gets the best of you all the time? For me it is always sugar (but maybe I will post something on that later) but recently I have been frustrated with dinner. I am really good all day long at logging calories, eating healthy (ish) foods, trying to maintain a calorie count. But it seems like late afternoon and evening I have used up all of my food willpower and I cave to cravings and buy myself something unhealthy at work. Or I will hold out until dinner and then eat a ton of food that I don't even need. I just feel my energy/willpower is depleted. Do I need to eat more during the day? (I feel I have sort of tried this, but I still eat the same amount at night). Do I not worry as much with my breakfast and lunch and focus my food (or not eating food) willpower on dinner time? Sigh. Well, this is just another thing to figure out on my journey. 

Giving up

Yesterday was a bad day. I weighed in and had gained two pounds! I yelled and cried and told Cody I was done. I have been fighting this battle for 20 years and I am tired. Just exhausted of this back and forth, always thinking about what I am eating and if I am working out enough and then beating myself up for not doing those things. I am just tired. I don't want to fight anymore. For what? It is hard to see what is in front of me because I don't know. I don't know what it is like to be ueber healthy and skinny. No clue. I just want to give up and just no care anymore. 
But I can't. 
Because eventually I will feel the way I felt when I started this blog. I need to do this. I have to do this. I don't know if I will succeed. 
But I have to try.